So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
