I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
