I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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