You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my sisters under your porch take her home
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
