I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
