just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
