Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
