quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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