She's JV to your varsity
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
