Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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