So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
