So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
