You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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