is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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