in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
