so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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