Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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