Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
