Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
