Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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