come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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