Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
