once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
