ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize