3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
