You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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