Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
