I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize