How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
