I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
