One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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