so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
