she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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