she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
