I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize