I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize