I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
