There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
