Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Panties = found
Randomize
