omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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