well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
