It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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