So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
