whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
