Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize