the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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