I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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