what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
tell me about the eggs
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
