You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
