girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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