The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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