what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
