Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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