Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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