making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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