You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
