I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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