she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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