I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
