Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
