Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
