If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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