Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
