I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize