dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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