I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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