Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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