a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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