I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
