i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
