Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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